Bonds of Trust Create Connections

We here on this planet we call earth trying to survive.  That's all any of us are here to do.  Everything else is extra.  Whether we are trying to earn money, raise a family, build a business, have fun with friends, create art, or help others our main goal is to survive for as long and as successfully as we can.  But no matter how hard we try to survive and how successful we are at it we will eventually die and leave this earth.  Our bodies will remain behind on this plant. Our soul(if you believe in one) goes somewhere else.  And our mind, the interface between our bodies of this earth and a soul if you believe in one, just shuts down.  

What is left behind on this earth besides our bodies made of matter are the connections we make while here.  All animals including the animal known as human strive to make these connections.  These connects are complicated and very complex.  They can be difficult to put into words but they are based on bonds of trust.  My two dogs spend more time together than I probably spend with anyone.  They have a unique relationship that belongs to just them.  I don't know what it is because it is there's alone.  It is one based on trust and I am sure it is fluid but it is one they made and it stands strong in their lives.  These are the types of connections I am referring to when I say connections.  They are intimate relationships built on trust and respect that are fluid but strong.  They are two hearts touching.  You know when you have them.  They aren't based on bloodlines or geographic proximity or past circumstances.  Although that stuff may be a component it is only a starting point.  True connections are something far more.

Social animals such as humans strive to make these connections even harder than non social animals but all make them.  The solitary mammals like bears or tigers still make connections with their young.  Social animals such as wolves and chimpanzees will make connections with members of their own group.  Connections can be made across gender and age as well as species.  Any human who has truly bonded with an animal knows that the heart can cross specie barriers.  But animals can bond with other species besides humans.  There is the case of the bear, lion and tiger who are all friends.  The stray cat and the lynx who are best buds at a zoo.  Then there was the goat who just couldn't live without his burro friend.  Then the famous case of a lion who remembered his human friends after a year of being rehabilitated in the wild.  You can see many of these stories on internet websites such as this one of cases of cross species friendships both in the wild and in domestication.

This drive for connection exists because that is what makes life interesting.  That is what we remember and take with us.  The connections teach us things, warm our heart, and make our time here all the more fruitful and enjoyable.  The connections can be brief or life long.  Think back on your life and my guess if you are like me the connections you made with others will be the memories that are the strongest.  We remember those we meet along our path. They stay with us long after our paths have gone separate ways. Their spirits linger in our hearts.  

Whether they were bad or good we can learn from them and cherish the good parts and learn from the bad.  We teach them and they teach us.  We can cry with them or laugh with them.  We can share and we can have fun.  Or we can just stand with them to support.  There were two people who wanted to film wolves so they raised a pack of wolves and observed them and then after the project the wolves were relocated to a Native American reservation.  When the wolves were released in their new territory the omega was too scared to come out of the his cage even though the rest of the pack was already out.  So his littermate who was also the alpha male of the pack walked over to the omega's cage and they whimpered and sniffed to each other and then the omega cautiously stepped out and his brother pressed his shoulder against his and the two of them walked out into their new territory together. We all need someone at times to brave this life and continue walking it's journey.  

Now sometimes attempts at connections don't work or connections eventually fade away or may become toxic so that is why you want to choose them carefully and respect others choices.  We all get to choose our connections in this life.  But whatever connections you choose make them and however long they last treasure them and enjoy them.  Make sure they are real connections not false ones and make as many as you want.  I once asked a 90 year old man if he had any words of wisdom after 90 years.  He responded with a fart joke but after he laughed he paused looked off and said "Just relax and enjoy those around you".  So lets all enjoy humans and non-human relationships.  We all need them after all.  I would love to connect with any of you so please feel free to leave comments or follow me on twitter or leave your email address or all of the above if you wish :)  Feel free to share stories of your own profound connections as well!

Forgive and Let Go

Forgiveness is a difficult thing for us humans.  I know I struggled with it over the years and still sometimes have trouble to this day.  When I speak of forgiveness I don't mean necessarily forgetting the wrong that was done to you and having no consequences for the action.  I mean letting go of negative feelings and hostilities towards the other party.  By doing this you let go of resentment, anger and desire for vengeance.  This article helps explain what I mean by forgiveness and how it benefits the one who forgives.  You can forgive someone and still stay away from them or hold them accountable for their actions and take the necessary steps to protect yourself from further harm.  But you free yourself and no longer hold any negative feelings towards them.  It is a difficult thing to do.

Animals seem to do this well and I have often used them as teachers for me to model this kind of forgiveness.  When animals fight their may be anger to get the adrenaline pumping during the fight but after it's over it's over and each individual moves on with their lives trying to survive the best they can.  An example of this was in a documentary I watched about a female tiger.  Tigers are solitary animals.  The females live in territorial boundaries usually by themselves to raise their cubs.  The male tigers also have territorial boundaries and their territory is larger than the females territory and will usually encompass several females who he will mate with.  In this documentary the female tiger already had cubs but a male who was not the cubs father had taken over the territory and wanted to kill the cubs and mate with this female.  The female of course protected her young and fought the male tiger.  The fight was brutal and quick and the female one.  The male went off to nurse his wounds.  Some time later after the female tiger's cubs had grown and left to start lives of their own the male tiger and the female tiger mated for many consecutive years and the male tiger was often in the company of this female tiger.  Another words the two tigers had a difference in goals(one wanted to mate the other wanted to finish raising her current cubs) and they fought to decide whose will would prevail.  After the fight they went on living their lives.  The male did his thing hunting and mating with other females and the female did her thing continuing to care for her children and raise them to be successful tigers on their own.  No grudges held.  No resentment.  No revenge.  When their wills lined up they formed a long lasting and very successful partnership.  They lived in the moment and adjusted to the circumstances.  There was no cruelty for the sake of cruelty when they fought they were just both doing their thing.

As I explained in a previous post this can be seen all the time in primates as well.  Living in social groups means friction is bound to cause spats but they cool down and reconcile and move on.  Animals understand that they have to survive and do what they need to do to survive.  When they comes in conflict with another their may be a fight but afterwards each gets to go on their way(assuming the fight wasn't to the death which very often it's not) to continue living.  And they can reconcile and still work together if the need arises based on conditions.  Now of course if repeated cruelty or violence was done it may have lasting affects.  You hear stories of pets who can act aggressive to a former abuser but this is rare.  Most of the time even when animals come across abuse they learn to trust again and want to forgive and believe the best.

So I try to take my cue from animals.  When someone does something that upsets me or I feel wrongs me I try to reconcile and let it go so I hold no ill will to them.  If it is repeated cruelty or abuse then I leave the situation and defend myself but try to hold on to the hope that the other person can find peace even if it isn't with me.  For each of us are trying to survive the best we can and holding onto hate just poisons our own self.  Letting go frees ourself to continue to live our lives the best we can and allows the others in the community of life to do the same.

What struggles with forgiveness have you encountered?  I would love to hear about them since as I said I know first hand how difficult this task can be and I feel sharing can help everyone to become better at it.      

Changing Seasons

Science tells us why the seasons change and different parts of the world experience different amounts of sunlight.  But I find the changing in the seasons in nature and the variations in daylight as reminders that all things change.  As we live our lives change is inevitable.  We go through periods and cycles just like everything else on the earth.  Some of those periods are marked with struggle and some of those periods are marked with joy.  Nothing stays the same and we are all constantly in motion.  So we must accept that things change in our lives and that we go through new periods and experience new experiences.

Everyone must have their time in the sun so to speak.  The seasons change and some animals do better in the long summer days.  While others thrive in the cold of winter.  The darkness sometimes wins over light and at other times in the year light prevails over darkness but equilibrium and balance is always achieved during the equinox.  That is what life is after all a balance so everyone gets their turn and shares in the joys and travails of this planet.  We just have to remember to accept the good and the bad in turn, even though it can be very hard at times.  I find it helps to keep in mind what is good for one individual is bad for another.  Rain might ruin your softball game plans but it helps the plants grow for instance.  A preys death means food for potentially many others in nature.  

So I have learned from these cycles of the earth that sometimes bad stuff happens and sometimes good stuff.  Sometimes I am ahead and sometimes I am behind.  But there is no race in reality just a journey that is yours and yours alone.  One set of conditions and circumstances will give way to another set.  I have to learn to ride these cycles as they come like the ocean waves.  Take what I can get from each moment and allow others to have their moments too, trusting that their will always be balance.  For balance is truly the natural state of things on this earth.

What changes did you have to endure?  Did you ever have a bad situation turn out to be good or vice versa?  How did you overcome the bad and learn to embrace the good.  It can be a difficult thing and takes practice I know so I would love to hear some stories :)

Different Personalities See the World Differently

I have worked many jobs over the years.  One of them being a kennel assistant at a pet boarding facility.  Working that job taught me many things.  One being how differently we all react to stress.  Some of the boarders reacted with defiance by flipping over their food or water dish.  Others went on a hunger strike.  Some wouldn't eat while inside their cages.  Others would just cower in the back of their cages or sit there shaking.  Still others would become hyper and easily agitated and riled up.  Some would follow protocol exactly while others resisted.  Some lashed out and some barked.  Others whined.  Some just wanted pets and to be held.  Others wanted to play.  I remember one that was sick and I tried to approach and to console her but she got nervous and agitated with me there.  I realized sometimes the best thing you can do to help is let another be.

The different personalities of these animals and their emotions while in the situation of being left in a strange place was clear to me.  The various ways they reacted showed me that each individual is unique and will react to the world around them uniquely.  Just interacting with these animals, observing them and being open to what they were experiencing and feeling was enough to show me that animals have emotional lives and different personalities like humans.  I didn't need to read scientific studies to know that animals are living sentient beings.  Although for the record I have also read many articles and various studies on animal intelligence and personalities.

The different ways these animals reacted to stress and fear and uncertainty helped me understand myself and other humans better as well.  We humans live in a very stressful and confusing world. We humans cope with stress in a myriad of different ways too just like the boarders.  Whether that's by working out at the gym, using legal drugs like caffeine or alcohol or illegal drugs, or we escape into a fantasy world with books, TV or video games.  We sometimes get angry and lash out or cry or just become frozen unable to move forward in life.  Sometimes we express ourselves others bottle it up and stay stoic.  We all have our own ways of coping.

We have to be acknowledging of these differences no two individuals are alike.  Too many factors go in to making an individual for the combination to ever come out exact twice.  So these differences need to be acknowledged and utilized.  Becoming aware of how you react to stress can help you better cope and address what is stressing you.  You can then put your energies towards positive growth and outcomes.  Becoming better aware of how others react to stress can help you deal with people.  You can realize that they are reacting to fear or loneliness or whatever is bothering them.  When you realize they are stressed you can better address the root cause than the actual behavior.  While working with stressed dogs or cats you have to be vigilant that their behavior is symptomatic and how best can you put them at ease so you can work together and help each other.  We humans can do that for both the human and non-humans in our life.  We can become more aware of ourselves and others and how our feelings and reactions to those feelings play out.  Compassion for others and ourselves can develop through that awareness.  And with that compassion we can build bridges to unite and solve problems and connect.  Connecting with one another is how we accomplish great things and is one of our main objectives here in this life.  

Animals helped show me how different we all are and how similar we all are despite those differences.  Within those similarities and differences we can find understanding and awareness of each other.  Awareness is the key to healing, change, happiness and freedom.

Come Together

So many times we feel we must master so many things.  There is a push to be good at school, sports, work, parenting, home repairs, yard work, cooking, cleaning, ect.  The do it yourself mentality is that you can learn anything and do it yourself without being reliant on someone else and this is how you gain independence.  But humans are social animals so we were never meant to go it alone.  A solitary animal may have to master a variety of things to survive but a social animal doesn't necessarily have to do it.  Instead a social animal has to master working together with others and then they can let their natural skill set shine through and help out the group.  There independence comes not from doing everything themselves but instead from feeling comfortable being themselves within a group without feeling like they have to lose their identity within the group or dominate the group.  Everyone has a niche to fill. The differences brought to the table and the ability to coordinate them are what makes the group strong.

Wolves are a great examples of this idea of everyone being comfortable within a group and coming together to each play their role.  Although you hear a lot about the omega and alpha roles there are really a myriad of roles that wolves can play within the pack.  We are only now beginning to understand these roles.  For instance an alpha male and female lead a pack of wolves.  It is their job to lead hunts and come up with the strategies for the hunts.  They are also responsible for keeping up territorial boundaries.  They set out general policy for the pack as well.  In a small pack they may take on other roles but in a larger pack this would pretty much be the extent of their duties.  They are not necessarily the biggest wolves they are wolves that set out on their own to brave what was out there to find a mate and start a pack.  They have natural leadership skills and strength of will.  But the other members are just as important to the sustainability of a pack.  Betas are the largest and strongest.  Their job is to enforce and keep order in the pack.  They enforce the policies of the alphas.  Then there is the nanny a special wolf that is selected for this very important job to take over the care of the pups and look after them after the wolf pups are weened so the alpha female can go back to her duties.  There are the mid-ranking wolves whose job it is to confuse the numbers of the pack and make it seem larger than it really is to deter enemies.  They are also wary and help alert the pack of any potential dangers.  Other wolves have jobs of teaching and disciplining other wolves. There are speciality positions such as runners that are fast to outrun prey.  Still other wolves are specially talented to take down prey for the kill.  And the often misunderstood omega is not a lowly member of the pack but a very vital member of the pack that diffuses tension and calms situations by taking a lot of the aggression out of the pack.  Also they move members of the pack around a carcass.  Certain parts of the animal provide certain functions for instance vital organs provide a strong scent for the alphas.  When the omega is chased off the carcass it allows the wolves to change positions so they can eat what best suits their role.  But after the other wolves have finished the omega is allowed to partake of some high quality piece of the carcass saved by the beta wolves.

Wolves are highly social animals just like humans.  They know they can't all be alphas or omegas or nannies. They each have a specific skill that comes naturally to them and they bring that skill to the table and they allow others to bring their skills too.  They each stay within their role and execute it to the best of their abilities.  They work together and cooperate knowing that their own weaknesses will be covered up by other's strengths just like their strengths will cover up other's weaknesses.  And what happens when they do this?  Where does pooling their strengths and each playing their part get them?  A wolf pack is formed which is one of the most formidable forces of nature.  It can take down large animals that only larger predators should be able to take down, it can fight bears off, and it can change ecosystems.

When social animals work together and cooperate amazing things can happen.  What things do you bring to the table?  What amazing feats have you accomplished working in a group?  Humans often come together for finite period of times to create things such as buildings or movies.  Not everyone is an architect, a plumber, an electrician ect. but when everyone works together huge skyscrapers can erect.  Same with movies not everyone is an actor or a director or a writer but when all different people with different talents come together a great movie is made.  Imagine if humans worked together and each played their part in other areas of life.  Imagine what we can all accomplish when we see all that a wolf pack can accomplish.  Humans can come together and create strong bonds together to forge the life they want and achieve great things.  The potential is there and it is great.  Remember a lone wolf howling is calling out to other wolves but a group of wolves howling is a declaration of solidarity and strength crying out to the world the power of each individual coming together to form something greater than they could ever be by themselves.

Take Your Time

I sometimes feel I am a Type A striving to be a Type B.  Back in my youth I used to take pride in myself that I was always running around getting stuff done.  I was praised back then for getting stuff done quickly.  But having dogs taught me to move slower.  My dogs are nervous dogs and when I move quickly in makes them nervous.  Dog behaviorists taught me to slow down when around dogs.  Fast movements make them nervous they told me.  This lesson was driven home while working at a boarding facility where there were lots of nervous dogs.  When I rushed around trying to get stuff done it made them more agitated and they grew more nervous.  As I watched animals in nature the reason for this began making sense.  Animals often move slowly.  Whether they are patrolling territory or grazing on vegetation.  They are always highly alert looking out for danger or opportunity but they move slowly until danger or opportunity presented itself.

I had two human teachers at different times in my life each give me half of the reason.  The one teacher was trying to teach me martial arts and was explaining to me that you can be alert and relaxed at the same time and that is truly how you counter a threat.  Too rigid and tense he explained will make you unable to counter a move and go with a fluid situation.  Not alert and you won't be able to see what's coming when a threat comes at you.  The other teacher was working on a show with me.  I was young still and running around ping ponging all over the place trying to do stuff and he said to me "Slow down and relax there are very few life and death situations in this life you will know when you are in one".  It wasn't till years later when I was in a life and death situation that I realized he was right.  Both these teachers expressed what the animal kingdom already knows.  When it's a life and death situation you move quickly and react.  In nature that can be many forms such as a hungry predator coming after you or a rival or maybe you need to catch prey yourself.  In all those instances quick action is taken but otherwise animals stay alert but relaxed and move slowly taking everything in until the moment requires action.  They are relaxed yet alert.  Those human teachers of mine were trying to get me to calm down and relax so I can take in my environment appropriately.  I had to gain confidence in myself to know that I would know when something needed a quick response.  And the dogs I worked with and the two I live with continue to remind me of that lesson.  When I move too quickly they think it's a life and death situation so I try to take my time.  

We only get one life we need to take it in and relax.  Staying aware but relaxed is the best way to take in everything this life has to offer and accomplish the most we can in our finite time on this planet.  Too tense and moving too quickly we will miss out.  We have to stop and smell the roses so to speak.  So until the moment of action is upon you enjoy the ride and savor and than snatch opportunity or defend yourself when the moment manifests.